Wifey Wednesday: Be Selfless (Not Selfish)

Marriage requires you to be selfless. If you are not ready to put your desires on hold, put the needs of your spouse before yours or die to your flesh daily – you may not be ready for marriage (not trying to burst your bubble, just being honest).

In our society, it is more important to be happy than it is to be holy. Our motives are self-centered and couples give up on their relationship because their “expectations” are not being fulfilled. We live in a time when people walk out of their marriage hoping to satisfy their craving for attention from the opposite sex. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard “Marriage isn’t what I expected”. The question is – what did you expect? Did you expect every day to be a bed of roses? The birds to start chirping once you wake up? Maybe you expected what Hollywood has portrayed. I hear that marriage is “hard work”, but at times we over complicate things. Don’t make marriage (or life) harder than it already is.

We need to look to the Word as a gentle reminder that we do not belong to this world. Romans 12:12 states “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” The pattern of this world tells us it is ok to be selfish, to give up and to walk out of our marriages. When our minds are renewed by the Word of God, we will be able to test and see what is God’s will (Hint: His will isn’t for us to be selfish). We are peculiar people; chosen to glorify God. He has called us out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).

Being selfless may not come naturally, but it is a spiritual muscle we need to work out often. The act of being selfless shows that you are more concerned with the needs and wishes of others than with your own; unselfish. Are you more concerned in understanding the needs and wants of your mate, or are you more concerned on getting your needs met? It is a difficult pill to swallow, however, if you both are concerned of the needs and wants of each other – I promise you things will work out fine.

My prayer is that we have the desire to walk in that light, and be Christ-like servants who give more than we are given. May God open our hearts to give of ourselves without expectation, and to serve without keeping score. Philippians 2:3 says: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.

To my followers who are single – Although you are not married, please find different ways to be “selfless” and build this character trait. This means getting involved in your church and community. You will need to focus on the needs of others around you – family, friends and coworkers. Learn to be selfless now so it comes naturally once you are married.

To my followers who are married – If you have lost focus, it is ok! This is the time to regroup. Focus on the needs and wants of your partner. Ask them questions that will help you derive what makes them happy. Put their needs before yours. It will allow them to see you in a new light, and want to do the same. Live a life that is selfless and willing to understand the needs of others.

For His Glory Only,
Danielle J.