Worth The Wait

The moment you realize that everything that led to this point [wedding day] …. was worth the wait.

I was single for SEVEN years! Singlehood is not a disease or a plague. Through singleness I learned so much about myself and others. I learned my likes and dislikes, and the things I would not compromise. I learned so much about relationships, friendships but most importantly I learned so much about God. God taught me to rely on Him and not what others thought, learning to ignore unsolicited opinions and hurtful actions.

Most of us have our lives mapped out for the next year, five years or even ten years. Then God throws us a curve ball. My curve ball came in the sense of ending a relationship with my now husband, and being single for seven years. We ended things not because our relationship was bad, but because of bad timing. Prior to my relationship with him, I was in an on/off again relationship with a gentleman who ended up cheating on me. After that incident, I recall grabbing a prayer rug my mother gave me and cried out to God. I recall stating that the “next man I dated, I want to marry”. When I met my husband [Woody] I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship. After six months of courtship, he stole my heart. During the six months – the way I felt for him couldn’t compare to the prior relationship I was in for 2-3 years. When things ended, I was heartbroken. Partly because of the prayer I did before meeting him.

During those seven years of singleness, I went through so many ranges of emotions – anger, anxiety, being stagnant, and sadness. Don’t get me wrong there were so many great things happening in my life during that time. We are sometimes guilty of focusing on the wrong things. Although other areas of my life were moving along wonderfully, I felt like I was missing something. I was angry at God at times because I was doing everything right to the best of my ability and was not receiving what I truly wanted. Like, how do you get angry with God?! At 26-27 I was ending this cycle of going on dates with random guys that my friends, peers or coworkers thought would be good for me. I think that was my pitfall. I wanted to be married at 27 years old and have my first child by 29. Here I was saying “God not my will, but yours” and I was taking matters into my own hands. I made a decision that there would be no more dates. I would earnestly seek God and His direction. Then came the tests and obstacles, and fighting the anxiety. My plans were not coming to pass. Here I was at the age of 28, no man in sight. I had to learn to deal with negative thoughts and emotions, rely on God’s word and trust in His plan.

Woody and I reconnected in the weirdest way after seven years of not dating. We picked up seemingly right where we left off. We reconnected November 2013. I was engaged by February 2015 and married on December 20th, 2015. I often laugh and say “Look at the difference a year makes”.

This blog post is for those women and MEN who feel that they are in the “waiting”. I just want to reach out to you and let you know that God has not forgotten about you. I was once where you are. Hearing people say “You’re almost 30! When will you have kids?!” … and so many other hurtful things. Being reminded day in and day out, you are not where you want to be. Keep focused on the end goal! DO NOT SETTLE! Singlehood is your time to establish a great foundation in Christ. Get rooted in Him. You cannot properly love someone else until you first learn to love yourself and Christ.

I can honestly say that those seven years were needed. God needed to break me down. He needed to remove my need of control. He needed to mold my heart to reflect His. He needed to change my character and get me to the place where I had to simply trust in Him! I can say this now – those seven years were worth the wait for the man that I married and also for the woman that I have become.

I am not sure why you are in the waiting, but I know one thing … If God gave you the desire to be married it will come to pass. Hang in there! Stay strong! I am praying for you!

P.S. In another #WifeyWednesday I’ll share our actual “love story”. Trust me, it is best if you allow God to write your love story.

For His Glory Only,
XOXO
Danielle J.

The Wife Mentor Features LBV

During the summer I had the wonderful opportunity to be featured by “The Wife Mentor” via Facebook. If you have not liked the page on Facebook, I encourage you to do so. It is an online community geared towards encouraging women regardless of their relationship status. There are posts featured from single women, engaged women, and married women giving their prospective and story about their journey.

Here is a snippet from my feature:

I am recently engaged (March 2015), and will be married within the year - however, many do not know that I was single for roughly 7 years prior.

My fiancé and I dated back in college and broke up shortly after graduation. I was so heartbroken. During the first couple of years of being single, I will say it was my “wilderness” period and I felt like God was no longer listening to my prayers. I did not commit to anyone else because I wanted to be sure they were the person for me. I learned so much about myself, and realize now that God had to work on me and also my hunny so we could reunite and be the best for each other. I went through so many cycles while single– cycles of sadness, cycles of frustration and even a cycle of going out on dates just to fill time (not very proud of that one). I just got to a point where I said enough is enough. I realized I was not only hurting myself but those around me.

I began to get really involved in church, joined a local group for young professional (CFULYP), got my Master’s degree in Human Resources Management and began my work in starting my non-profit organization La Belle Vie Essentials. The cycles turned into cycles of understanding, growth and blessings! Beauty is birthed out of adversity. Through that period of staying busy, God saw it fit to reunite Woody and I, and there are days I can’t put into words how amazing God is. Woody is definitely a testament to God’s faithfulness and that His plan is best.

My advice to the ladies that are currently single: STAY IN GOD & STAY BUSY!! Do not fall into the trap of “everyone around me is getting engaged” or “everyone around me is getting married” and settle. Stand your ground. Live life. Travel. Join organizations. Like my dad always told me “No deal is better than a bad deal; no relationship is better than a bad relationship”. You don’t want to be the one racing to the altar and then later racing to the courthouse to get a divorce. Not worth it. Learn yourself and know who you are. This will help you establish the guidelines and foundation for a great relationship and then marriage. Pray. Surround yourself with wise counsel (i.e. Wife Mentor, godly women), and PRAY!

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. In the near future I will post a video that will give a bit more insight to this journey.

For HIS glory only…
May God richly bless you!
XOXO
Danielle