Blind Faith

My name is Ludnie Saint Julien.  I was born and raised in Haiti and I moved to the United States six years ago. It has been a good journey for my family and I, and we have been blessed. Like everyone, I have a story and to share it with you.

When I got married 6 years ago, I thought everything would be perfect. When I was growing up in Haiti, I always thought that America was a country where people have a good life. For example, I thought Americans had all have money;  which meant they can shop any time they want, never run out of food or anything just like we see in the movies. It didn’t take me long after I moved here to realize that they were all dreams. God has shown us some ways.

The struggle started about 2-3 months after my husband and I got married. First thing, he was hospitalized & diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. He almost had a heart attack. The struggle continued. He couldn’t find a good job although he was a  licensed Registered Nurse.  He applied everywhere, no one ever called him. Sometimes he would find part time jobs with an agency but work 1-5 days a month.  So you can only imagine how we struggled. How can you survive with that? I recall one time we were looking for 25 cents to buy a gallon of water, we couldn’t find it. We were opening drawers looking for pennies to see if we can reach 25 cents. I just remember that even with everything that was going on in our life, we never stopped praying. We never stopped going to church and participating in anything. We never stopped believing that it was a test that either God was giving us, OR that the devil was mad at us for doing a good thing (which is not living in fornication and that we got married).

Later on, we moved to Kissimmee with the help of a friend who offered us hospitality so my husband could find a job. God blessed him with a job, we didn’t take long to move to our own apartment & things started to get better. It didn’t take until we said that we were ready to have children that the devil started to work again. I got pregnant on the first try. Everyone was happy! I even started having morning sickness. Things were going great …. and then BOOM! one day I miscarried. I simply said ‘’Okay God, if it’s not Your will now, I’ll wait’’.  I just took it to my Lord. It took me two years before I got pregnant again. Everything was going well, and by my 2nd trimester, my body started to go back to normal. My belly was growing, and when we went for a checkup, but there was no heartbeat. The worst part about it was that they found out that I had a partial molar pregnancy. The baby died since 14 weeks, and they had to do an emergency D&C (dilation and curettage) because I was getting infected internally. That day, I felt the same way I was when I received the news about my mother’s death. I was like really God??  NOT AGAIN! But I had to stay strong for my husband and my family.

We had to wait for a whole year to follow up with high risk pregnancy by having blood test done every month. They would monitor my hormone levels closely to make sure that I did not develop cancer before we would be allowed to try getting pregnant again. When they finally told us we were ready, we quickly we started to try. We tried everything. I took all kinds of hormones. Some of the hormones were dangerous. For instance, I was taking some hormones that would increase my eggs maturation to the point to make me release more than one egg each month. The risk of taking it for a long period of time is a high chance of developing cancer. That hormone also had seeveral side effects. A year passed, but still nothing happened. My body was so stressed; it started to shut down. I became frustrated. I was desperate. I used to cry in my car coming from work to home. I cried in my bed. I couldn’t pray anymore. I kept asking God why me. I did everything He wanted me to. I’m married; I go to church, I pray, I help others. Why was everyone else having children and not me. I even went further to say that some people were not even married because I was so mad at Him.

My husband on the other end was complaining about how he was getting old and didn't have a child. It was frustrating. Four years of marriage and we couldn’t have any child.  One day while I was at church, Pastor Danielle was preaching about BLIND FAITH. She came to me and said, God will give you what you’re asking for, but He wants you to go in closet, on your knees, and talk to him. This sermon changed my life. That day, I realized that sometimes God wants us to stop begging and stop asking, but just put your faith into Him. He knows exactly what we want, but He wants us to ask and believe; just wait for Him. So I stopped everything; all hormones, other twins med, and stopped going to the doctor. I went on my knees and did that prayer:  “God you know what I want. I’ve been crying and begging, and nothing happens. Today it is the last day I’m going to ask you this. I am not doing it anymore; I am not crying anymore. I am your servant, and I shouldn’t be unhappy. Now, there is one thing I am asking.  If you give me a baby before the year ends, on the christening day, I will testify, and I will feed the entire church’’. I also told Him that I don’t want to have a high risk pregnancy, and I want to have a normal delivery with no epidural.  TWO MONTH LATER WE WERE EXPECTING and God have given us a beautiful, healthy baby girl named GRACE-ANN. She is my grace from God. Everything went the way I ask Him. After my first trimester at the high risk clinic, the doctor told me to find a regular gynecologist because everything is normal. I was not "at risk". Yes God, yes, just the way I asked Him. I smile with the doctor knowing that I got another the victory. And to make my testimony complete, I had normal delivery with no epidural, and I didn’t suffer at all. That was one of the best experience of my life, and without God, all these wouldn’t happen. 

Life is beautiful when we let God keep control over everything. I never lost faith on Him. When my husband and I didn’t have food to eat, we fasted the whole day. God knows your situation. He knows your needs. He will fulfill them when the time is right. He just wants you to be patient. In my situation, my husband and I thought we were ready, but God Himself wanted us to wait. While we were waiting, we were exercising our faith. And today, He puts us in a better place; a place where we can actually share our story, and encourage others to keep walking with Him in whatever circumstances in life. Started from a studio in little Haiti to a five bedroom house; from 5 years trying to conceive, one miscarriage and a dying baby to a beautiful, hyper, smart, and healthy daughter. We are blessed, and we can’t thank Him enough for His blessings upon us.  He can do the same for you. Don’t be discouraged. Just put your faith stronger in Him. Just like me, if you believe, you HAVE BLIND FAITH and start making plans in the name of Jesus because life is too beautiful for you to be sad or crying all the time. He will answer your prayers.

May God bless you and everything in your life including your will and your plans.

Thank you for reading my family’s story! Be Blessed!

Special thanks to Ludnie for sharing her story. This truly touched me because I recall as she labored in prayer to get pregnant. I recall during our Father's Day service I had her pin her husband with a flower in faith that he would be a father by that following year ... and it happened!! This testimony inspires us to have blind faith and not look at our situations but to God. Again, thank you Ludnie! We appreciate your transparency.

For His Glory Only,