For this edition we will be discussing stagnation in our relationships.
Remember the definition: Being stagnant means having stopped, as by ceasing to run or flow; failure to develop, progress, or advance. The state or quality of being or feeling sluggish and/or dull.
Relationships are so important. For this blog post I will be focusing on relationships such as boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged couples and married couples. The next blog post I’ll touch more on friendships.
The relationship between man and woman should be a reflection of God. Many times we make it something that is very selfish and self-fulfilling and forget about God and His views. I am definitely not and expert in this area! I’ve only been married 7 months, however, through counseling, mentorship, reading the Bible and other books I have gained some pointers for success.
Here are some things that have worked/are working for my husband and I.
Keep God First – Keeping Christ at the center is a must. If as a couple you keep Christ first, there will be nothing you cannot conquer. When problems arise you both will have the attitude of “what would Jesus want us to do”. A Christ-centered relationship allows you to remember that it is about Him and not your flesh.
Spiritual Beliefs – Make sure that the core values you both have is aligned. This also includes ethics and moral values. Discuss these items early on in the relationship and keep open communication on various topics that arise spiritually.
Weekly Date Nights – I am a big supporter of date nights. Make it a point to spend time with each other. Besides the spiritual aspect, this is one of my biggest words of advice to couples. Date nights do not have to be expensive. It can be a walk in the park, picnic, movies … whatever. The most important thing is to focus on each other, no phones and no distractions.
Communication – This is vital in any relationship. There will be times where this will be tested but open communication is needed. Create an environment where you two are open to speak freely about anything. If this is an area where you struggle, work on it.
Love Language – I wrote a blog post specifically dealing with the Five Love Languages. Check it out here.
Balance – There needs to be a balance where each person feels that they are able to do the thing(s) that they enjoy. Some call it “me time” others say “personal time” or enjoying their hobbies. Allow your partner to do the things that they enjoy. Everything needs to be balanced.
Boundaries – This is a vast topic. It is important to set boundaries with friends, family and in-loves (in-laws). Outsiders can be instrumental or detrimental to your relationship. As a couple you need to set boundaries to what each person is comfortable with. This also is aligned with communication.
Love in Action – It is easy to love in words … to say what sounds good. However, what are your actions saying? Love is a verb. Show your love! Actions speak louder.
Seek to Understand – This is the common theme in my life at the moment – Seek to understand, not to be understood. We all have likes/dislikes and it part of our “make-up”. Seek to understand your partner and their likes/dislikes. Don’t always make everything about you. Seek to understand each other.
Understand Differences – This week’s Wifey Wednesday blog was about understanding each other’s differences. Allow your differences to work for your good. What you are lacking, your spouse may bring that exact thing to the table. Remember you are working as a team.
Finances – Prior to getting married, I did research on the things that may cause divorce. In every article finances was mentioned. Opposites attract so many times you will see the “spender” with the “saver”. It is important that as you are working together as a team, your goals and visions are aligned financial. In the areas of weakness, it is important that each party works together for a common goal.
Sex (For my MARRIED couples only) – Sex is a big component in marriage. Many of the components mentioned in this blog post ties into sex. There needs to be an open line of communication of expectations, seeking to understand likes/dislikes and balance.
*Bonus* To my control freaks (especially my females) – This is definitely my area of weakness and I’ll be honest to let you know I am still working on it. If you are a planner, you want everything in order and it brings you comfort in knowing what is next. One of the best things you can do is relinquish your control and give it to God. Allow your mate to be themselves, even if it means that they are spontaneous and do not plan every detail. You will be ok!
Let’s work on improving our relationships and ensuring it is glorifying God.
For His Glory Only,